There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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