I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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