We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
