her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need water and some morals
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
