There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
