He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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