I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
