I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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