Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
