he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
