Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
