My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
