Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
