I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
