The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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