So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
