Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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