3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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