I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize