In the future we'll all be gay
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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