i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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