you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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