Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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