i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
