His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
