a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
