i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Come see our sink grown plant.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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