I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
