Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
