it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
