New invention idea: vibrating tampons
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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