Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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