Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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