i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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