dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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