i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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