no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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