I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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