If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
