My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
