Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
