well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
