Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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