So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
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I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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