hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
