So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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