i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
