so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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