I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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