you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
