I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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