So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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