his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
