dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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