he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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