Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
