last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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