Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
