I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
