Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
