if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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