do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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