new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
