I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
