so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
