I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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