i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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