I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
send nudes
from the living room?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
