I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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