I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
